I Swear Myself to Thee ... Divorce and Remarriage
It's taken months and months of thinking through this issue, but I think I've finally reached a position that I can defend with conviction.
I've been thinking a lot about weddings, and "strange" weddings in particular: Protestant weddings, "Catholic" weddings that take place outside the parish, and "re-marriage" weddings.
The Church has taught that we cannot actively participate in a Protestant wedding: that would include singing (hymns or solos), reception of communion (if it is offered), standing as part of the wedding party, liturgical prayer, etc.
In fact, the "spirit of the law" here is to refrain from attending such weddings altogether. It's potentially an invalid sacrament (depending on the individuals getting married - but more on that later), being administered by a man is pretending to be a minister of God's One Church while - in reality - rebelling against Her, performed outside the embrace of Mother Church. In short, it's a mockery of one of the seven sacraments - would you attend a service that mocked any of the other sacraments?
But in some cases it would cause more harm to not attend; such as when the party getting married is a brother or sister, or very close friend, and refusing to attend would damage your relationship and/or reflect badly upon your Faith. That's some really gray area - which is why I usually just stick with black and white: I won't go. Hate me if you must, but my Faith comes first.
It gets sticky when the sacrament is doubtful. If it's a Protestant couple, do they truly intend to get "married," in the true sense of that word? That is, do they intend to have children? Are they going to contracept? Do they both know and believe that there is no such thing as "divorce," and that even if the state says they're divorced, in reality they are still married and are not free to remarry? If these two people coming together are intending to contracept, maybe have 1.5 kids in about 10 years, and hit the divorce court the minute things start to get difficult - I'm not sure that's a valid marriage. Note: I'm not sure. I can't say yes or no with any certainty - so I steer clear.
When it comes to re-marriage, though, the issue is clear for me now. I am, of course, referring to one of the many cases in which a man marries a woman, they get a divorce, and five years later he's remarrying some other woman and wants me to attend his wedding.
Forget it.
The teaching of Our Lord, the Church Fathers, and the Holy Church down through the centuries is that marriage is really and truly "until death do us part." We don't just say that phrase at weddings because it's a nice poetic thing to say. That's our solemn oath that we swear before God.
Now, I can violate that oath; I can leave my wife before death has parted us, and I can even legally marry another woman - but violating my oath doesn't change reality. In reality that new woman is not my wife, I'm still married to my first wife, and thus, every time I climb into bed with this new woman (regardless of whether or not we're "legally married") I am committing adultery against my first wife.
Millions and millions of "Christians" are doing this every single day, and their "pastors" could care less. That's diabolical.
So here's why I won't even attend such a wedding - and this system of thought came to me while I was reflecting upon oaths, covenants, swearing to God, and sacraments in general.
A sacrament is an oath; an oath is what you swear; when you swear an oath, you make a covenant; in this covenant, you swear upon God's own Name in order to invoke His divine help; you also implicitly swear a curse upon yourself if you should ever violate that oath.
Marriage is all of that. It is a sacrament; in it, you solemnly swear a sacred oath to your wife, and she swears one to you as well; the reason - the very reason - why this solemn oath-swearing ceremony takes place in the church is because you are swearing that oath in the Presence of God - the real Eucharistic Presence; thus, you are calling God Himself as your witness, which is another way of saying you are invoking His Name upon this oath; the people who attend your wedding are more than guests, they are also witnesses to the oath, which is why the wedding ceremony includes the words "before God and these witnesses"; therefore, to be a guest at a wedding party is to lend your own implicit testimony to the truth of what is happening before you.
There is no such thing as simply attending and observing a wedding. Your presence indicates your approval, and more than that, it is an implicit oath on your part that you are reading to vouch for this marriage - you do solemnly swear that this couple did get married, and you are ready to testify to that fact before both God and Men.
But if that couple is, in reality, two divorced (but still truly married) individuals, then there is no marriage taking place. It's a sham, it's a game, it's a mockery. Therefore, I cannot stand in the presence of such a play-act and serve as a witness - because I would be bearing false witness, and thus violating one of the Ten Commandments.
The man who divorces his wife and attempts to remarry is also violating the Ten Commandments, because at his first wedding he swore in God's Name to be faithful to this woman until death - if he violates that oath, he has taken God's Name in vain.
This is serious stuff, but our society has turned it into yet one more meaningless social activity - albeit a very important, momentous, and emotional activity, but ultimately just another activity at the end of the day. I wonder if anyone really considers the staggering importance of what they're doing - the guests, the minister, the bride, the groom, the parents.
I firmly believe that at the Last Judgment, John Doe is going to be called to stand there with his 4th wife, and God will ask the witnesses who stood at his first wedding, "Do you give testimony against this man, that that woman is the one he married, and not the woman he now stands with?" And those witnesses will indeed say, "Yes, we were there, we saw him swear an oath to that woman, and not the woman he is now with."
But likewise, those witnesses who stood at his fourth wedding will be called to account, and will be judged for bearing false witness.
Something to consider, isn't it?
I've been thinking a lot about weddings, and "strange" weddings in particular: Protestant weddings, "Catholic" weddings that take place outside the parish, and "re-marriage" weddings.
The Church has taught that we cannot actively participate in a Protestant wedding: that would include singing (hymns or solos), reception of communion (if it is offered), standing as part of the wedding party, liturgical prayer, etc.
In fact, the "spirit of the law" here is to refrain from attending such weddings altogether. It's potentially an invalid sacrament (depending on the individuals getting married - but more on that later), being administered by a man is pretending to be a minister of God's One Church while - in reality - rebelling against Her, performed outside the embrace of Mother Church. In short, it's a mockery of one of the seven sacraments - would you attend a service that mocked any of the other sacraments?
But in some cases it would cause more harm to not attend; such as when the party getting married is a brother or sister, or very close friend, and refusing to attend would damage your relationship and/or reflect badly upon your Faith. That's some really gray area - which is why I usually just stick with black and white: I won't go. Hate me if you must, but my Faith comes first.
It gets sticky when the sacrament is doubtful. If it's a Protestant couple, do they truly intend to get "married," in the true sense of that word? That is, do they intend to have children? Are they going to contracept? Do they both know and believe that there is no such thing as "divorce," and that even if the state says they're divorced, in reality they are still married and are not free to remarry? If these two people coming together are intending to contracept, maybe have 1.5 kids in about 10 years, and hit the divorce court the minute things start to get difficult - I'm not sure that's a valid marriage. Note: I'm not sure. I can't say yes or no with any certainty - so I steer clear.
When it comes to re-marriage, though, the issue is clear for me now. I am, of course, referring to one of the many cases in which a man marries a woman, they get a divorce, and five years later he's remarrying some other woman and wants me to attend his wedding.
Forget it.
The teaching of Our Lord, the Church Fathers, and the Holy Church down through the centuries is that marriage is really and truly "until death do us part." We don't just say that phrase at weddings because it's a nice poetic thing to say. That's our solemn oath that we swear before God.
Now, I can violate that oath; I can leave my wife before death has parted us, and I can even legally marry another woman - but violating my oath doesn't change reality. In reality that new woman is not my wife, I'm still married to my first wife, and thus, every time I climb into bed with this new woman (regardless of whether or not we're "legally married") I am committing adultery against my first wife.
Millions and millions of "Christians" are doing this every single day, and their "pastors" could care less. That's diabolical.
So here's why I won't even attend such a wedding - and this system of thought came to me while I was reflecting upon oaths, covenants, swearing to God, and sacraments in general.
A sacrament is an oath; an oath is what you swear; when you swear an oath, you make a covenant; in this covenant, you swear upon God's own Name in order to invoke His divine help; you also implicitly swear a curse upon yourself if you should ever violate that oath.
Marriage is all of that. It is a sacrament; in it, you solemnly swear a sacred oath to your wife, and she swears one to you as well; the reason - the very reason - why this solemn oath-swearing ceremony takes place in the church is because you are swearing that oath in the Presence of God - the real Eucharistic Presence; thus, you are calling God Himself as your witness, which is another way of saying you are invoking His Name upon this oath; the people who attend your wedding are more than guests, they are also witnesses to the oath, which is why the wedding ceremony includes the words "before God and these witnesses"; therefore, to be a guest at a wedding party is to lend your own implicit testimony to the truth of what is happening before you.
There is no such thing as simply attending and observing a wedding. Your presence indicates your approval, and more than that, it is an implicit oath on your part that you are reading to vouch for this marriage - you do solemnly swear that this couple did get married, and you are ready to testify to that fact before both God and Men.
But if that couple is, in reality, two divorced (but still truly married) individuals, then there is no marriage taking place. It's a sham, it's a game, it's a mockery. Therefore, I cannot stand in the presence of such a play-act and serve as a witness - because I would be bearing false witness, and thus violating one of the Ten Commandments.
The man who divorces his wife and attempts to remarry is also violating the Ten Commandments, because at his first wedding he swore in God's Name to be faithful to this woman until death - if he violates that oath, he has taken God's Name in vain.
This is serious stuff, but our society has turned it into yet one more meaningless social activity - albeit a very important, momentous, and emotional activity, but ultimately just another activity at the end of the day. I wonder if anyone really considers the staggering importance of what they're doing - the guests, the minister, the bride, the groom, the parents.
I firmly believe that at the Last Judgment, John Doe is going to be called to stand there with his 4th wife, and God will ask the witnesses who stood at his first wedding, "Do you give testimony against this man, that that woman is the one he married, and not the woman he now stands with?" And those witnesses will indeed say, "Yes, we were there, we saw him swear an oath to that woman, and not the woman he is now with."
But likewise, those witnesses who stood at his fourth wedding will be called to account, and will be judged for bearing false witness.
Something to consider, isn't it?
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